This site is a resource for people in the greater Santa Barbara area interested in Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM).
The SB Polymaths group meets near the Polyamory flag (see below) on the second Sunday each month to explore together the many facets of ENM, and the myriad ways individuals, couples, throuples, polycules, and other connection models navigate the opportunities and challenges associated with this non-conventional lifestyle.
Check for date/time/location each month at sbunitas.com.
Meeting details are published 1-2 weeks before each gathering, so there’s not always a live listing to be found.
Tidbits
- Definition of Monogamish (one of the vastly varied ways this lifestyle can be practiced)
- “Monogamish is the space between traditional monogamy and fully open relationships. It’s a flexible and dynamic approach to love and intimacy that lets couples explore new experiences together while keeping the foundation of their relationship sacred and intact.
“Think of it as a way to add spice, variety, and adventure to your partnership without stepping away from the love and trust you’ve built. Monogamish is all about co-creating a relationship that works for you. Whether it’s attending sensual events, exploring fantasies, or inviting others into your intimate world, the key is that you do it together. It’s not about replacing what you have—it’s about enhancing it.
“What makes Monogamish unique is its focus on transparency, consent, and mutual growth. This isn’t about sneaking around or breaking trust; it’s about building trust and creating opportunities for deeper connection.”- — Monogamish : Navigating the Space Between Monogamy, Polyamory, and Open Relationships by Heike Hudson, Jonathan Hudson
- “Monogamish is the space between traditional monogamy and fully open relationships. It’s a flexible and dynamic approach to love and intimacy that lets couples explore new experiences together while keeping the foundation of their relationship sacred and intact.
- The Pleasure Talk (one of the host of patterns used to cover the bases when finding agreement on intentions for a pleasure session)
- Acronym: RSBAMD
- Mnemonic: Remarkable Sensuality Begins After Meaningful Dialog
- Topics
- Relationships – Is everybody who could be affected by our time together on board with this? What other relationships in your life are important for me to know about?
- Sexual Health – Let’s be clear about what STI’s we’ve tested clear on, and what ones we’re carrying.
- Boundaries – Gotta be specific about what’s not on the table (no kissing; no anal; no nipple play today because they’re sensitive this time of the month; whatever…)
- Aftercare – What, if anything, would help you feel cared for in coming days after we share this intimacy (reassurance; receive affirmations; check-in about the experience)?
- Meaning – Are we on the same page about what this experience means for us individually and together (implications/expectations for our relationship moving forward; happen again; one-night-stand energy; etc)?
- Desires – This one is last intentionally—let’s get down to what delights we want to share together in the coming moments.
- Credit to AF Creek, as a riff on the more commonly used RBDSM model, specifically aimed to put Desires as the launchpad item